My new cat
This post is about Stuben, my new cat. She has been very much in my thoughts this week as we build a relationship, and some of those thoughts are interesting enough to share.
Welcome
Stuben (named after a ski resort, I think) is 14 years old, and has until ten days ago been living in East London with my sister, who is emigrating soon. We decided that Stuben should stay in this country, rather than having to learn about racoons and bears:
Stuby seemed remarkably relaxed about the move. When she got out of the carrying cage, she just stretched out on my sofa. I suppose her only alternative was undignified panic. Susannah stayed at my house all afternoon, which I think reassured her that this process was sanctioned. The rest of her family explored Cambridge a bit before coming back to say goodbye.
My point of view
I have wanted a cat for a while. The last time I had a cat was when I was a child. My relationship with my lodger is friendly and businesslike, but no substitute for a family. For my own hapiness, I need more love in my life. If cats stereotypically work for old ladies, maybe a cat can work for me too!
I feel a bit uncomfortable with the typical owner/pet relationship: especially the neutering. Adopting an old cat that needs a home is feels like the least problematic scenario. So when my sister started talking about her plans to emigrate and her concerns about Stuby, I bravely volunteered to take her on.
Of course I don't have a clear idea what I am taking on; there are many unknowns. On the downside, I do know that there will be some expense and responsibility. In particular it will be more difficult to go on holiday, and there will be some people who will no longer want to come into my house. I also expect in due course some damage to property and feelings. But I think the upsides are worth all that.
The cat's point of view
I can only imagine what was going on in Stuby's head on the day she arrived. In an instant she lost all her territory, relationships, escape routes, hideaways and daily routines, without any explanation. Even I would find this traumatic! But the life of a domesticated animal is a precarious one. Her only recourse was to trust in me, and to learn everything from square one. This put a lot of responsibility on me.
Why should she trust me? I think it helped that I had looked after her in London in the past, and that I fed her on the afternoon that Susannah was still here. But there must have been some doubt in Stuby's mind. First, as to whether I was the right person. She has been asking for food from almost every adult who comes through the front door: builders included. Second, as to whether I was reliable. Sometimes I don't understand what she needs and sometimes I do but I won't allow it (mainly excessive food), and these two cases both diminish my trustworthiness in different ways. She watches me very closely still as if trying to read my thoughts and to work out my behaviour patterns.
Besides providing food, I am also recognised as the litter tray cleaner. As cats go, Stuby seems to be unusually fussy about avoiding nasty smells, so a person who removes them deserves favour. This was particularly important since I wasn't letting her outside at first. Outside privileges are another lever.
My lodger also sometimes feeds her. We have agreed a code to avoid double feeding. I believe Stuby has not yet managed to trick us despite constant attempts.
Grooming time is important for both of us. It is a purely positive interaction that can be done at any time, even if there is no other need for me to serve. We both make sure to allow lots of grooming time in our respective schedules, several times a day.
Going outside
The cat flap has now been installed, but for a week there wasn't one, and this suited me fine. People on Facebook advised that I shouldn't let her out for two or three weeks, but I have some motivation to rush the schedule, as I will be going on holiday soon and I want her to have established her routine by then. Also, Stuby seems surprisingly and encouragingly on-message. So I accompanied her outside once a day, not letting her out of my sight, and stopping her from going too far towards the main road.
She was very happy to go along with this plan. She loves being outside, especially in the current hot weather, but she was very nervous about the unfamiliar territory, and my presence reassured her. As she learnt all the smells and sounds, she gradually got bolder. It is helpful that she is unable to jump very high. Any fence that I can't cross is a fence she can't cross either. The main way she can get away from me, if she wants to, is to go underneath a locked gate.
Eventually she started exploring places I didn't want her to go, and I had to pick her up and bring her closer to home. She doesn't like being carried, as it undermines her independence. I have made sure to put her down immediately if she struggles, so that she learns not to fear me. It is a useful way for me to communicate what I want, but not a way to get it. I let Stuby have the last word. She comes in when she has had enough, taking my wishes into account as just one factor.
Yesterday the cat flap was installed. It can read her microchip, so that it only lets her enter the house, and not any other cat (there is no such restriction on exiting). To train the cat flap, I had to press a button and wait for her to use it, which of course she refused to do at first. So I crossed my fingers, let her outside, and shut the door. She came back in all on her own, a few hours later. I found her asleep on the sofa, and the cat flap's red light had gone out. I think this means she is now free!
I am still quite nervous that she will get herself into trouble and not find her way home, but there's nothing much more I can do about it. At some point, she will have to be responsible for herself, and I will have to trust her. The alternative is too sad.
The future
I know Stuby only has a few years remaining, and that they probably won't be her best. But I will make them as good as I can. For now she is very much alive. Please wish us luck!
Last updated 2025/07/01